And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
