Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He? As in you personified your dick?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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