So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize