all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize