and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
