i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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