I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
