its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't deserve a penis
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
