I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Please don't give away my fajitas
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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