Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have feelings that need drinking.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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