You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
