the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize