my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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