My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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