So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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