I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize