Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
