just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
