Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This gyro tastes like lonliness
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
