Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
