I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
