VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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