He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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