I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
