i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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