The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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