Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
