well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
