feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
