so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
