hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
