My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
