We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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