OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
