that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize