Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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