Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
