I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
