You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
