Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
