Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sext me about skeletons
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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