he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
