yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
third nipple confirmed
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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