I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
