i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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