So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
