1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
