Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
