i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
