I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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