I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
