I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
