tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
