So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
