Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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