i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
