I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
