Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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