Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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