operation have a gay friend backfired
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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