By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
