it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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