i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
