in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My ass is underappreciated
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
