I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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