My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
