He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
