I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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