i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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